Preparing for next month's club demo, I've actually been pondering this exact issue.
Snap fit, friction fit, suction fit, piston fit and probably more styles of snug fit--whatever you call it, the purpose is 2 fold. 50 years ago, before there were plastic mayonaise or peanut butter jars or threading jigs, a snug lid to keep the contents from spilling out was a functional feature. In today's world, the snug fit is designed primarily to satisfy us we have some skill and to impress other turners. As Al and Reed point out, the end user doesn't appreciate too snug a fit.
As to overlap, it depends on whether you want a suction/piston fit, which, as mentioned above, requires the longer tenon, or you want to have the best grain match between top and bottom of the box, which is best with the shortest removal/tenon you can accomplish and still have a good fit. Spalty or punky wood probably also do better with a longer tenon, but softened wood is not ideal for boxes, IMHO.
So the bottom line is, there is not a consensus opinion on what is the ideal snugness. Please yourself.
Reed--for years I used calipers to test for parallel, but once I tried the ruler method, there was no going back. It's WAY more reliable in my hands. (Wonder if I learned that from Bonnie, too?) I'd add that finding a ruler with a truly square corner is important, and can take some looking.